136. Monthly Medicine: October is Completion

 

October is a powerful month for completions, for laying things down on the fire that no longer serve us, and/or have been dead for a long time. This month invites us to walk away from who we thought we were, and what we thought we were, for who we *actually* are. Who are we becoming? What are we growing up to be? There is much that we will be leaving behind and discarding in October, thanking and blessing it for the work it’s brought us, for the treasure it’s laid at our feet.

 
 

Air date:
September 28, 2020

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About the Episode

October is a powerful month for completions, for laying things down on the fire that no longer serve us, and/or have been dead for a long time. This month invites us to walk away from who we thought we were, and what we thought we were, for who we *actually* are. Who are we becoming? What are we growing up to be? There is much that we will be leaving behind and discarding in October, thanking and blessing it for the work it’s brought us, for the treasure it’s laid at our feet.

It's a huge time of maturation and evolution, one that is inviting us into a big inner harvest cycle, where we get to decide what we will keep, what we are ready to compost, and how we can surrender to the things we cannot control.

Wild Soul Collective Reading for October:

  • Card for the month ahead: Eight of Cups

  • The card that is showing up as our teacher: Knight of Pentacles

  • What is it helping us to learn: Ten of Pentacles

  • What can we offer our attention to? The Devil

  • What are we blessing and releasing? Justice

  • What are we harvesting and integrating? Ace of Cups

Land Acknowledgement

  • Honoring and acknowledging that this podcast episode was recorded on the unceded land of The Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde, currently called Portland, OR, with the deepest respect to the Kalapuya Tribe, Cowlitz Tribe, and Atfalati Tribe.

Please Note

CW Tags: chronic pain, grief, anxiety, abuse, inherited generational patterns

The content in this episode contains references to chronic pain, grief, anxiety, abuse, and inherited generational patterns. We have done our best to identify difficult subject matter, but the labels may not be comprehensive for your personal needs. Please honor your knowing and proceed with necessary self-awareness and care.


Transcript

[Introduction]

[0:00:00]

This episode of Tarot for the Wild Soul is brought to you by my brand new, upcoming course Heart of Service, a five-week, online, intuitive, Tarot immersion for Spirit-guided service that runs from October 1 to the 29th.

Enrollment for Heart of Service closes Tuesday, September 29 at 12am ET, 9pm PT. That's essentially today, depending on when you listen to this episode. It goes up very late Monday night. So if you're hearing it on Tuesday, it closes tonight. If you're hearing it after Tuesday, I'm sorry that you missed enrollment, but it will come back around again.

So if this is the moment, if you feel called to be a part of this very special, very transformative journey, I invite you to take the leap. So if you'd like to learn more, or to sign up and join us, you can visit tarotforthewildsoul.com/heartofservice. Thank you, Loves.

(Instrumental intro music)

[0:01:16]

Hello Loves and welcome back to Tarot for the Wild Soul podcast. I'm your host, Lindsay Mack. And as always, it is such a huge joy and a gift to be gathered with you in this way.

I cannot believe that we are moving into October, like, what happened this year? Oh my God. It's crazy to be here, and yet, I feel so grateful because we're really in… this has just been a Death year.

This has been a year of release and grief and change and just huge loss, and there is something — I don't know quite the word for it, not “comforting”, necessarily — but there is something that feels right about being in the Death season of the year, about finally moving into the month that ushers us from Libra to Scorpio, that moves us through the energies of Justice and the Death card.

And there's something about that, that feels like we're really in alignment with something here, like the external circumstances are matching up with the seasonal flow. Yeah, so we're here and together journeying through this Monthly Medicine episode.

[0:03:00]

October, the theme for this month, the word for this month, is “Completion”. And that that speaks to many different things. And this is a looser theme this month, because completion and completing things and what we're complete with, what we're not, is really a pretty personal thing, actually. We are planetarily, collectively, definitely moving toward a completion time. There's a lot that is potentially changing in the next month or two in the United States. There's, you know, regarding our election, but really, we could say this in various ways the world over that.

We're gearing up for something, whether that be kind of really felt very acutely in the collective or not. This month, our job is, oddly, for such intensely, for times that call for such intense, external presence and work and action — which they do — this time is actually much more focused on our internal process and our internal work.

That doesn't mean that we divorce ourselves from what is calling out for us, the service that we're bringing forward into the world in whatever way we serve for the month of October. That doesn't mean we, like, go into a cave and like, you know, never come out. We're learning how to do both now, you know.

Before there was a kind of a theme, and there is from time to time I think, where we're really called to go in very strongly. And that's not true for everybody. Some folks are called to really go out when some folks are, you know. And we're learning how to, perhaps, have our bodies, have our presence be very much out in the world, and yet deeply called in for reflection. And when those moments arise, when we're called in for this kind of reflective work, you know, this opportunity for reflection and review, that we need it.

[0:05:28]

Because just like life, the seasons, just like if we farm or garden, there's harvest time, where we're working our ass off to harvest the crops, and it's not so much about our feeling it, you know. There's a finite window of time in which to do that.

When we actually do harvest them, then we get to look at “Well, am I keeping this tomato, or am I composting it? Is it spoiled, or is it edible?” And part of our job, I think, is to focus on “Well, how do I think this looks?” Because it's not about how it looks, necessarily, as much as it is really, deeply looking at it and being in our wise mind saying, you know, “Is this actually food? Or is this food in a different way? Is this going to become food through compost?”

When we reach a harvest time, it means we're complete with something. It means that the growing season — at least, you know, for some folks, it's an overlapping thing — but it's a natural time of completion. It's the end of a particular journey and the beginning of a new one, right.

And we're in one of those, and our focus is really this month, you know, obviously the theme is “Completion” is on honoring, and really, almost eulogizing, you know, creating ritual around what is ready to go. And there's a lot that's ready to go right now. There's been a lot that's ready to go, and it's very present in our reading. We’ll focus on that, but there's so much, so much that we have been... it's hard to even put it into language. There is such, we are at such a profound moment in existence on this planet, of choice, and of evolution, and of work, and of waking up, and all those themes aren't new to any of you folks listening to this. It's also not new, period, but the circumstances have reached such a fever pitch that now really shielding our eyes, technically, we can choose it, but it's almost impossible to keep the blindfold on anymore.

[0:08:22]

And part of the process of waking up and taking in all of this new information, of changing and evolving so rapidly, because the evolution is so rapid right now, the accelerated growth is so rapid, the... I know that. And it's really bizarre, because for many of us, our days kind of just all look the same. You know, for some folks, their days look pretty different, but most of us are kind of like would love (Lindsay Laughs), like, completion around certain things. We would love a little bit more variety and change, you know.

So when I say like, there's been so much rapid, profound, accelerated expansion. Some of you might be thinking like, “Not for me. What the fuck?” And, of course, your experience is wholly valid, and I'm not here to argue with it.

But one of the things that I think has been really interesting for me, anyway, to observe is that this year has really shifted. And I do think a nice way to engage with this idea is that, you know, 2020 if you kind of observe the collective significance or importance that's brought to that year, that number, by most of the world. Well, not most of the world, but a lot of the world observing that as the year — obviously, many religions and cultures don't. So total respect to that — but if we look at 2020, even though technically the year’s not 2020 years old, we are working with High Priestess, and we're working with Judgement, and we're working with The Fool. And that is kind of what's going on right now.

[0:10:19]

It's way more of an inward-focused time than it is an external time. That kind of the removal of the one, that release that we let go of when we moved from 2019 to 2020, moved us kind of out of Magician energy and into a full High Priestess. This was much more of an inwardly-directed year.

We are totally in Judgement time, totally in awakening, totally in Pluto themes, learning how to listen in new ways, learning how to acknowledge our inner rhythms a lot more. That's all kind of High Priestess, all Judgement very lightly. And then we have our double zeros. And that's The Fool, and is a very lovely way to remember that we're also totally leaping into many things that are new.

So while shit doesn't feel exciting and expansive, or anything, that's a great lesson, because expansion doesn't typically feel very good. It can. I believe it's possible, but usually, it's just pretty nerve wracking.

So what we are being invited to check in around, one of the first things that we're being invited to just consider, just to play with, we don't have to buy it, believe it. I know so many folks are just so fucking exhausted, and tired and scared, and in grief and angry. And it's not that those feelings don't need to go away. We're not polishing anything that's not got natural, rough edges here.

But what this year is calling us to consider this time on the planet this moment in history, is we've been a very externally directed culture in many ways. In some ways, the way that folks are showing up externally is so deeply powerful in such a different way because it's really coming from a different place in us.

Because when life stops as you know it, when life changes as you know it, the only place to really go, no matter how much you may distract yourself, or how much, like, whatever it is, even if you are super busy, slammed, in whatever way that you're showing up to work, in service, parenting, balancing your work with homeschooling, whatever's going on, no matter what, it's calling us into a different kind of attention and relationship to ourselves.

[0:13:13]

Prior to this time, there's been a lot of belief that you needed to have silence, extended periods by yourself to drop in, and it's just not true. It's not true. And I would wager that although some of us may feel like, “I've completely lost who I am, what am I even doing, who I am,” have you really grieved that? That's a good question.

But I would wager even if you're feeling like, “I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing right now,” that when you look back at where you were, before this year, there's been a lot of change, or a lot of realization, or a lot of things that have come to the surface, or a lot of actions or interests or evolutions that have happened that aren't necessarily, like, fun, but they have expanded you. Because no one's really… I mean it's pretty impossible to not be here and be expanding.

And part of expanding is sometimes getting to a point where everything we thought we knew is gone, and the last little thread holding it together is us desperately trying to cling on to what was normal instead of cutting the thread and really freefalling into this new world we're building together. So that's a little out there. And that's for, you know, ‘cause talking about the out there stuff is part of what I do and part of what you're here for.

But the bottom line, and sort of more grounded way of putting it, is that this is a natural, organic time of review, and harvest and reflection; that this month, in particular, not just because of where it's positioned seasonally, but because of, really, what it's bringing in anticipation of the next few months, in anticipation for 2021. I’ve spoken about this, like kind of off and on, 2021 is no joke. It's different from 2020.

[0:15:28]

We're in an Emperor/Four year, this year. Next year is a Hierophant/Five year. That's, I mean, it's not bad (Lindsay Laughs), but like, whew! It's really powerful to be going through like a Five year after a year like this. We're in this, right? We're in it.

Whether we have had the opportunity, or even the desire to reflect or not, we have all deeply changed. We have all been invited to grow radically, radically, from who we were at the start of this year. It has not missed anyone. You could kind of want to, like, you know, kick it away, or be like, “Fuck that!” like, that's all, like, sometimes I feel that way too. I'm like, “Fuck growth, just like, God damn it, you know!” Like, whatever it is, but we're in it, you know. You're here for a reason. We're growing. It's a powerful time, again, of evolution, of growing through what's uncomfortable for us.

So when we speak of the idea of completion, the harvest that we're doing is in service of honoring and ritualizing this completion process. You have outgrown many, many things, many things, both tangible and intangible, visible and invisible, inwardly directed and outwardly directed, and, perhaps, you haven't quite fully acknowledged what and how much you have changed and what those things necessarily are.

[0:17:23]

And this month kicks off. I mean, we're kicking off October, with a Full moon in Aries. Aries is the sign of the self. It is the Emperor. It's Full Moon, Emperor energy and Emperor year. It's all about “I have, I desire to bring my deepest, most authentically, radically true self to the world, that I have a right to shine in.”

And part of the work that we do, when we consider this idea of stepping up and being our authentic self, when we consider all of the zucchini and all of the tomatoes and all of the corn that are edible, that are healthy, that are good, that we do want to keep, there's just… there are going to be some that are not going to come with us. There are going to be some that we’ll save for other things. There are going to be some that are going to go on the compost pile, period. Has to be. There are some ways that the planet can’t even support anymore, much less us.

I mean, everything has become so stressful and so sensitive in the world, that we can't, I mean, our nervous systems can't even hold that which is really inauthentic anymore. And some folks are further along than others. For some of us, that's absolutely, like, intolerable. Like my teacher would say “a pebble in our shoe.” And for some people, they kind of feel the weird dissonance of it, but they're not quite there yet around it really bothering them.

We are complete with a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff. Our job is to cut that thread, is to have the moment of gratitude to the thing, the habit, the pattern, the thought process, the job, the relationship, the partner, the collaboration, the way of working in the world, the way of taking up space, the rhythms that we operate from, the way that we apologize for shit that we don't need to apologize for any more. I could literally go on for the next hour, and I won't, but so much is… we're complete with it. We're just… we don't even need to play in the sandbox anymore. And why would we want to?

[0:20:05]

Part of why we would want to is because the thinking mind and ego crave familiarity. Even if it's really uncomfortable, even if it's bringing us back to stuff that's super, super painful, even if we don't like it, there's still a part of us that knows it so well.

This deep, inwardly-directed, completion energy is really inviting us into this joyous death process; of not letting it be dragged out, but actually choosing in a way that is graceful, potentially, and easeful; to say, “I recognize this doesn't match who I am anymore. I didn’t realize how much I've evolved and grown. I didn't realize how much I might have been taking on more than what I maybe wanted to do because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. And now at this point, several months in, I don't have any room to fuck around, and I can't do anything for anyone that isn't, first, in support of me. I can't do that anymore.”

So that's a deep completion, too. Some folks may not be into that. They may say, “Hey, you used to do all this stuff, and now you don't.” And that's it's like, that's okay. I'm just not that person anymore. Free to be complete. And sometimes we have to actually move through. It's not like we decide what we do that's totally, we can commit our willingness, our intention, you know, to acknowledge, like, “I acknowledge I’m complete with this thing. It doesn't really serve me anymore.”

And then we can just open and say, “Maybe I have to move through it a couple more times to really know that. Maybe I have to move through it 100 more times to know it. Maybe it just needs to be once. Maybe it doesn't have to be at all, you know, maybe not.” But being open to allowing what's ready to be composted, and what's ready to be cherished, imbibed, enjoyed, to be enjoyed, to actually let our lives be a reflection of the growth that we've been working in and around for the last few months. So… gosh, last few months. It's ridiculous, the last several years, but especially this year.

[0:22:44]

So we're going to move into our Wild Soul collective reading for October, because there's a lot in there that's related to this.

And our card for the month of October is Eight of Cups.

So Eights in the Tarot are the transformation cards. You've heard me say this before, likely, but in any Eight, we go into it one way, and we come out of it changed, new, a new person. And that, again, is true of whether we look at Strength card as Eight or Justice as Eight. It really doesn't matter. Either one of those are pretty powerful (Lindsay Laughs), in terms of walking in one way and leaving changed and transformed.

So with Eight of Cups being our card for the month ahead, we're leaving behind who we thought we were, what we thought we were, for who we actually are, and what we're growing up to be, which is an interesting way of putting it, but that's what Spirit really said; that we're growing up.

We're maturing. And with maturation comes a lot of kicking and screaming, potentially, and a lot of kind of growing pains, and, ultimately, an enormous amount of new freedoms that we may not have had before. We're evolving into something different as individuals and as a collective and a planet together. And when we get Eight of Cups, what we are essentially doing is honoring and acknowledging all that's gotten us here.

What got you to this moment, right here? What protections, what wounds, what defenses got you here? Rather than judging yourself for them, constantly trying to, you know, get rid of them, you know, shame yourself, because you have them, can you bless them? And say, I don't love how this makes me feel. I obviously don't want to romanticize these things, but also honor that they've been teachers for me. They are alive because of these things. I am. I'm alive, whether I am as far as I want to be because of them, that's the question.

[0:25:27]

But can I honor the medicine in them? That they've been important for me? Can I honor that?

Can I also honor how they may have caused harm, or they may have had me operate out of defense or out of those wounds? Can I make amends?

You know, we're all capable of causing harm, we have all caused harm. And it's very, very important to allow there to be, I believe, a space for the both/and of that. Because the both/and, acknowledging the places in us where we have wounds, we have defenses, and maybe we weren't as aware of those wounds and defenses, and so we may have acted in a way that, ideally, didn't cause great harm, but may have confused someone, hurt someone's feelings, may have invited them into their own insecurities and defense, may have inadvertently, like, wanted to keep folks down, or we may have ghosted people or whatever it is. Again, this isn't a sweeping invitation to just delete all of it.

The way we become more personally responsible for ourselves, the way we can actually acknowledge, like, “This was harmful,” is by first starting from the acknowledgement of why those things have existed within you, why you were operating from those places. We cannot not do that part of the work. Otherwise, we're just going to keep operating from that place, or we'll shift into shame, and, really. not much gets resolved from that place, either.

[0:27:17]

So beyond that, can we look at all of the systems, all of the relationships, all of the projects, the collaborations, everything in our life that has gotten us here? And, especially, beyond sort of those pieces, can we look at the things that we have cherished, that we've worked really hard on, that we have poured our heart and soul into, all of the full rainbow, the full spectrum, the wounds, the defenses, the tough parts, the parts of us that we don't love, the parts of us that we would love to change, the parts of us that may have been, that are not our best self, maybe?

The parts of us that we adore, and the habits, patterns, beliefs, and behaviors that bridge everything in there, from our best self to our worst self, can we honor and acknowledge everything that's in there, and everything in between, all of the relationships, all the projects, again, and can we look at them? Can we harvest all of them and put them in huge, like, you know, baskets and go through every one, and really acknowledge “This is complete. I’ve gone, absolutely, without question, as far as I can go with this. As far as I can go maybe with this habit?”

If we are working in such a way and have a job or a career that we are lucky enough to still be employed in, and we absolutely cherish, our Eight of Cups work may not be may not necessarily be “Chuck the whole thing and walk away from it.” But it may say — I certainly resonate with this myself, you know — where are the systems of maybe white supremacy embedded in your business? Is there an overt, you know, attention placed on perfectionism? Do things have to be done in a super urgent, intense way? You know, is there a catering to entitlement? — which is a huge thing that Shea, of Artic LLC, when we've worked together, brought up and really changed so much of the way that I considered my business and the way we engage with our students. So, I really want to honor Shea, by bringing that to my attention. There's so much in there. So those things could be ready to go.

[0:30:10]

It could be that you haven't been bringing your authentic self to your clients and your community. Maybe that's ready to go. Maybe you've been trying to keep hours that don't really work for you, maybe you're just not into it anymore.

Whatever it is, it's gonna be personal to you. And that's part of why we're being asked to kind of go within, and really just talk ourselves up, you know, and like, look at every single one of these apples, these tomatoes, you know, whatever we've got in front of us, and look and see, is this edible? Is it spoiled? You know?

And can we honor what has brought us as far as we have gone? Can we honor the effect it's had on us and others? Can we grieve it, potentially, really grieve it? Can we celebrate it? Can we celebrate its life and be really present for its passing rather than just tossing it away and wanting to forget about it?

Can we allow death energy to move through us to move over us like a clearing wind, like a breeze that is so cool, and fresh and renewing? Can we allow that breeze to blow the things on us that don't serve us any more off of us, like leaves getting blown off of a tree?

We don't have to be pushed out of things, and we don't have to push anything away. That wind blowing off leaves is a great example. The leaves don't have to work to get off of the branches. The wind helps them along; the wind takes care of them. It's not to say that we are leaves because we're not. We're humans. We have free will and choice and a lot of power to work with. A lot. But we can bring forward this idea that we are both the wind and the leaves on the tree, that we don't have to rip them off, that that natural breeze begins to strengthen and grow more powerful the more attention we start to bring to “What am I ready to walk away from with gratitude and acknowledgement?”

We're not ready until we're ready. No matter how much we may feel the pressure from ourselves or others, we're not ready until we're ready.

[0:32:52]

This month is a time of great readiness. So if we are willing to harvest, to work with this harvest energy, if we are willing to make use of this time, we can get so clear. And we don't have to do it in a way that is pushy or in any way harsh. We can just walk away. We can literally walk away. We can choose ease and grace.

And that choice, not getting pushed out versus walking away — even if there is kind of a kick, you know, a little shoo that we get moved out of something. You know, sometimes we're fired or laid off. Things happen that are totally out of our control. What is our response to that? You know, how do we bring about a response to that idea? This is really all our responses are within the validity, but there are some that are much more graceful and more expansive than others, right?

This choice is part of what we're completing our time with. This idea that like “I'm going to hang on to this thing, because it's what I know, it's who I am. And I'm not going to change.” Bullshit. You are complete with that. That's a part of why we're in what we're fucking in right now. So we're done with that idea.

We have freewill. Some things we can't choose. Some things we don't have choices on. We have a lot more choice than we believe we do. Sometimes the timing isn't quite right. And then all of a sudden, it can open up. Sometimes we're really locked in some very limited choices. Sometimes we have all the choices, and we think we're limited. This is a part of the big completion that we're going through right now, is being complete with a thought and belief “I can't do anything.” We can, and this acknowledgement is going to really open up a lot of things on multiple levels.

The road doesn't have to be so bumpy if we choose this way, which is really great because the road is really fucking bumpy right now. And if it can be a little less bumpy, I would say that's a win.

[0:35:16]

It also allows for transformation within this transformation. Because Eight of Cups is a profound transformation, it takes so much courage to walk away from what doesn't work anymore. So much courage, when we could just keep kind of doing what works, but really doesn't fill us, fuel us, it may be making us completely miserable, but we're really attached to wanting the approval of other people. Like, you know, there's a million reasons why we do the things we do. Sometimes we don't even know. Sometimes we're desperate to get out, and it's just not time yet. So… or whatever it might be.

But this transformation within the Eight of Cups transformation, how we do things is just as important as what we do. We're not going for that perfection, but for authenticity, for as much integrity as we can muster. So what are you complete with? What's taking you as far as it's able to? Do you may not necessarily know why or why not? But that pruning process, that clearing process, laying things down on the fire, we're not so, it's not so new. These things have been dead for a long, long time. Now, it's just become more important than ever to clear them.

And this isn't just tangible, external stuff. Again, these are habits that have served you, maybe protected and kept you safe, and now they don't match, beliefs that maybe you inherited, they've never been true for you, or you've engaged with them for so long. Maybe they developed at one particular point.

[0:37:11]

I had an experience just the other day that is personal, but I think it makes sense to share it. I don't feel like I'm probably alone in this. But over the weekend I had — it started on Friday — just a screaming, like, 10 out of 10 migraine that lasted almost 36 hours. It just kept rolling and medication didn't do anything. And I really felt like no matter what I do, it’s very scary, because no matter what I did, the migraine wouldn't really ease. And it's eased somewhat that I can record this.

But it brought me back to so many memories because I've always had chronic pain of being, like, a middle schooler or very young middle schooler and having just, like, again, 10 out of 10 out of pain experiences. And at that age thinking, “I'm being punished. I did something terribly wrong here, because it's, it's like shocking, my caretakers, or they're not paying any attention. And I'm alone in it,” which is often how I felt. Even if they were there, it often felt that I was alone in it. “I don't know anybody my age who resonates with this experience.”

And I could not believe this weekend, how much that was coming forward for me again, this. And I don't feel that way about Spirit or the world. Like, I don't think we're punished for things, necessarily. I do think, you know, there's cause and effect, but I certainly don't believe in any part of me that pain happens because we're being punished. And yet that was there. Because it was something that was still little slivers, or maybe even like a really big patch, was still in me from, like, 12, you know, 11, 12 years old.

And there was a huge clearing of grief and upset and rage and anger that had to come up and out through that migraine. I hated every second of that migraine. It was very panic-inducing and really hard spot to be in, and yet I'm a chronic pain sufferer. So I'm not often in 10 out of 10 pain, but I'm pretty regularly in pain (Lindsay Laughs). I'm in pain right now, and, yeah, I couldn't believe what it brought up.

So that's a belief. That's not my truth, but beliefs feel really true. In fact, it's the opposite of what I believe that, you know, “We did something wrong. So we have XYZ.” That's totally not true.

And yet the over cultural story of it, attempting to get control, attempting to feel like, it's too scary to imagine that this is just kind of happening because it's happening. Instead, I have to internalize it and make it about me that needed to start working, like whatever remained in me, had to start working its way out. And it was very intense to be with that. And yet, now that I know the theme of the month where I could recognize like, okay (Lindsay Laughs).

[0:40:51]

So I don't want to send anyone up, you know, I don't want to invite your nervous systems into fear. We don't need to be in 10 out of 10, screaming-like-fire-engine migraines to have these awarenesses. And they can still happen if you are in that. So no matter what, you can't miss this.

And that's a powerful thing about beliefs is that they can, again, feel so true, and so kind of unconscious, and then a moment can arise and we can realize, like, “Oh my God, I've been carrying this with me. I don't have to do that anymore.” So maybe they have never been true for you or don't align as your truth anymore. We could be complete with forms of energy, ways we seek attention patterns of all kinds. There's a lot that we can, we are open, like arms open, beautiful, heart-centered, we can leave it, we can discard it. We don't have to dance with. It's not that it won't come up again and be like, “Would you like to dance?” We just don't have to take it. You know, we just can say like, “Absolutely no, thank you,” you know (Lindsay Laughs), “I’m seeing you, honor that you're here, but wouldn't prefer to do so. Thank you.”

So we can thank it and bless it for the work that it's brought us, for the treasure it's laid at our feet. We just can't afford to hold anything that doesn't advance us forward, the planet, its inhabitants, marginalized folks, the animals, like we can't, the climate cannot participate in that anymore. So anything that doesn't match, doesn't advance us forward, I think it's going to become very clear.

But I offer that example about the migraine because it might come at moments when you least expect it. And you may find yourself off in a way, in old things that's a part of this; is recognizing those moments where something comes up, and you get to say, “Whoa, that's really old. And that still lives in me, can I bring my attention to it?” Bless and release it, you know.

[0:43:02]

The card that’s showing up as our teacher this month is Knight of Wands.

So the Knight cards are the movers of the Tarot. And they really represent the four kind of main forms of rhythms of movement in the world. Knight of Wands I even used to teach it this way. I used to teach as kind of like the Knight that moves with attitude and flair. And like, it was … (Lindsay Laughs) that was quite some time ago.

And I would say a couple years ago, I really got, like, kind of sat down by that card. And they were like, “You're like leaving out a lot of people, yourself included, who don't move with a lot of what we would call ‘flair’.” So we're going to need to really be a little bit more inclusively minded with this card. And so really what was shown to me is that Knight of Wands, more than anything, is about moving in a way that brings about pleasure and that matches with who we are authentically.

So if this card is showing us our teacher, it's time to unapologetically shift into a more authentic way of moving through the world. Period. The way we're doing things, creating things, being in the world, all of it is changing. And one of the things, partially, and, I would say, largely, because of the presence of Coronavirus. But it's been happening for years that are like these taps on the shoulder.

Like is this really working for you? Does this match with what you want to do? Like wherever we happen to find ourselves, right, in these ways, our attention over years has been drawn to: does this align with really who you are? Does how you're working, how you're moving, how your rhythm is, is it really matching you?

And so we are really being invited to consider, in this card, can the way that I engage with my day-to-day, my work, my life, feel authentic to me? Understanding that many of us are working in our day-to-day life with a lot of limitations, and it won't always be that way in quite the same way as it is now, and yet, now, is the best time to ask that question.

Because we can start thinking, even though I might not be able to immediately put this into action, the reflection is really powerful because it might be that what I used to do, I don’t want to do it anymore. It could be that I'm complete, that I actually don't want to live where I was living. It could be now that the world is potentially, in some ways, altering for good that I don't need to work in the place that I was working. Where would I want to go? And many people are asking that question. That's Knight of Wands, too.

[0:46:11]

Where you live, and I mean, this is a totally privileged conversation, so many folks don't even have the opportunity to ask this question. But for those who are considering it, like where we live, it makes a big difference. And it's not like moving somewhere fancy or whatever. But it's just thinking about like, have you always lived in a city and now you're like, “I kind of want to like live in the woods,” or vice versa, where you’re living out somewhere more rural and now, you know, thinking “I'd like to be where there's a little bit more access.” That's one example, but I think a powerful thing that many folks are thinking about.

And this card is showing up as our teacher because, again, it's asking us, inviting us, to ask those questions. “Do I feel like I am showing up authentically, moving, speaking, existing, operating from, communicating from, my authentic place, a place that lights me up? I might be exhausted, I might be overworked, I may be completely blown away. I might also not even be in the position to ask this question. Can it be in the back of my mind? If I do have two seconds, like, two seconds to have for myself can I utilize those two seconds to do something that fuels me, even if it's just sitting and like being on our phones?”

If we are in a position where we're reaching kind of what feels like this breaking point, can this be a jumping off point for you to say, “I can't do this anymore. And I'm going to need this to continue forward.” How can we bring a deeper authenticity to everything we do, including our willingness to receive more nourishment from all areas of life? It's a powerful question right now. And again, it's not, like, negating anything that's going on. But I think it's powerful to ask the question, very powerful.

[0:48:23]

What is this teacher, Knight of Wands, helping us to learn? Is Ten of Pentacles. So we're learning how to harvest what we're meant to be harvesting. When we move through the world in a way that is not authentic to us, not rooted in a sense of resonance, we don't have quite as much to offer to the world. That's not to say, again, that because you are hustling, busting your ass, trying to get shit done, that you're not moving authentically. That is authentic movement. You are rising to meet the occasion.

What we want to look at is: are you overloading your plate, not because it's what is happening right now, but because you're actively choosing to do it? That's the question. Are you tapping out of work because you are unwilling to look at your part, unwilling to look at what you're being invited to do? Is there actually more access, more capacity, more service that you can be bringing, you just kind of don't want to, you're afraid? That's really the question, right? So, of course, I want to be so sensitive. There's so many folks right now who are like, “I don't have any room to breathe. Like what I have is what I have.” It's not about authenticity to me. And I'm in no way negating that.

Just because what you're in right now isn't necessarily what you were in a year ago or what you will be in, potentially, in a year or two, doesn't mean that you're being unauthentic. It's just a deeper question about — inauthentic, rather. It's just a deeper question about what would help you to feel more authentic in that space. You know, how can you honor yourself for showing up authentically to this very strange time where nothing is what it was just a few months ago?

[0:50:18]

Ten of Pentacles is a harvest card. It also marks, because it's a Ten, the end of a cycle. So again, we talked about this, the harvest time, the Pentacles are about soul work, bringing our soul work into this world, this material world. And this review and check in, thanks to the 10, is in light of this idea that, just asking us what's working about how we're being of service? What's working about the way we're working? What isn't?

When we harvest, we’re keeping what we want to eat, and composting what’s spoiled and isn't edible. And Knight of Wands is helping us to learn this in a deeper way. Without a commitment to authentic service and authentic presence, there's really no way we won't even know what to harvest and what to compost. It has a really big ripple effect. So we can do that, again, even if we're in circumstances that don't match our usual rhythm through the world. For some folks, they've had the equivalent of a 10 out of 10 migraine for the past six, seven months, where everything's been on overload. Sometimes, even in those circumstances, that can bring up stuff, it can bring up the equivalent of what I shared about like, my 12-year-old self feeling like I had done something wrong, I was being punished. Because, you know, I had been abused. So it was a strong parallel when I, you know, internalizing that idea.

So are you feeling that way, that you did something wrong? It's just an opportunity to look at what might be coming up. That's where we can meet the moment with authenticity. It's not about saying, “It's not authentic to me to do XYZ, so I'm not going to do it anymore.” Again, privilege (Lindsay Laughs). A lot of us, we don't have those options. We're doing what we're doing.

The authenticity comes when we say, “This is so goddamn uncomfortable. What is it inviting me to pay attention to?” Or even just “how can I be the kindest I can be to myself, you know, how can I just have heaps of compassion?” That's also 10 of Pentacles. And that can help us to delineate this is going in the compost basket, this is going in the keep basket.

[0:52:56]

What can we offer our attention to this month? The Devil.

All of what we're talking about is very, very ripe, rich, Devil material. When we expand, when we evolve, when we step out of what doesn't serve, The Devil follows. When we walk into Eight of Cups and say, “Wow, I think I am ready to really bless, release this. Thank you for all you brought,” what is the thinking mind and ego do? They swoop in and say, “Come on. Who the fuck do you think you are? You're gonna walk away from this?” You know, they'll invite us into shoulds or invite us into ought-to’s they'll invite us, potentially, into shame or guilt. You know, the potential of “failures” if that's even a possibility. They can invite us into all kinds of things: “You'll never be able to do this, it'll take you a million years to do this.” That's all Devil. It's just the thinking mind expressing its terror at losing some measure of control over us.

Because, again, the thinking mind is rooted to our primal nervous system. It's here to keep us in familiarity and what is known, it's here to keep us alive. So when we start dancing into this idea of like, “I'm ready to kind of clear out, be complete with these pieces,” it can really scare the thinking mind.

So we get to talk with our thinking mind however resonates with us. But what I find very useful is to really, again, start from a place of just acknowledgement and compassion because The Devil is kind of a two-pronged thing. It's a both/and thing where it's like the most profound liberation in the Tarot because if you can move through, and cut the chain of story and belief that we have around those thoughts, if we can recognize them and say, “This is just a thought. Maybe a thought with a really strong charge, but a thought, nonetheless, I don't have to believe it. I don't even need to bring any attention to it.”

[0:55:09]

So some of us go through harder stuff with our thinking, and we want to be really, maybe direct or clear, or boundaried or fierce. And we can bring about a lot of love. We can also just simply acknowledge and say, “Oh, yeah, that's it has a charge to it. You know, that's pretty painful. It's also not my truth that I can't do things and that I'm wrong or bad or need to be ashamed of anything. And that's something that was maybe used to motivate me to stay a little smaller. Maybe there's some grief that needs to come up, maybe that was my caretaker story, maybe that was the story that was told to me. That's not my truth.”

And that's, literally, it can really shift things. We didn't even need to bring any energy to it. It's just a story. It's just a thought, we think millions and millions and millions of thoughts every day that don't really have anything to do with anything (Lindsay Laughs). So I think it's cool to feel into that.

So The Devil represents this place where we actually have the opportunity, through non-identification with those thoughts and those impulses and those invitations, to actually radically, radically liberate ourselves and say, “I am wholly worthy of expansion. I am capable of growth. I am good at my core. I'm not available to shame. It’s an emotion to feel. It can be a really okay motivator, but it doesn't represent who I am as a person. It can be here and not define me.”

So how do we find our middle ground in that? When we're not defined or believing the stories about shame and guilt and fear that we often are invited into that the thinking mind can invite us into feelings of failure, we are free, free to be able to say, “This can be here, and I can choose differently.”

So we want to devote our attention to those places, because with great expansion, with great evolution comes, typically, fragile ego and scared thinking, and that's okay. That's like old news (Lindsay Laughs). Like it's always been, and it may always, you know, may always be. I assume it probably will for human beings. So I'd love to be wrong.

But yeah, just being aware of that and knowing that we can just observe it, just go, okay, whoa, there's a lot of really strong energy in my thinking around this. Can I bring it to a journal? Can I investigate it? Can I take it to a processor? You know, there's lots of stuff we can do to support ourselves in that way. And so our attention is not on the tough thoughts necessarily, as it is around caretaking ourselves through them, so that we can evolve in the direction we're meant to go into with them, rather than by feeling like they have to go away, or that we did something wrong, because they're coming up.

[0:58:28]

We are blessing and releasing Justice this month, not because we're finished with Justice work, not even close. We are blessing and releasing the stuff our Justice work brings up in us.

If we are deep into shoulds, deep into story, deep into “I ought to. You ought to,” if we're othering, that's all Justice stuff. All of it, all of it. Justice says, again, “If you are able to come back here, in this moment, powerfully and responsibly, with just seeing it with the clearest eyes, you can, then you will be available for empowered action moving forward. You will be a balanced scale. And you will be able to go into the world really operating from that energetic perspective, really available to shift and move and change.”

So the stuff that tips our scales one way or another, you know, as we've been speaking about, that's what we're blessing and releasing. We're saying thank you, you know, honoring you, stories, biases, all of the stuff that kind of keeps it like, again, shame, defense, like all of those things, again, not romanticizing any of it, but just really acknowledging it from an objective perspective. Like, “I'm seeing why this is here. I'm honoring it. I'm also complete with it, blessing and releasing it,” (Lindsay Laughs), you know.

[1:00:01]

What we're harvesting, really, what's in the core of what we're keeping and integrating in that field of food or flowers, or whatever it is that we are imaginarily harvesting: Ace of Cups.

The Aces are so powerful because it's the first act of kind of co-creation with something outside of us. There's a part of us, and we could say, like, Spirit-connected part of us, that is the thing that actually offers the element to us in the card. It offers the cup, it offers the sword. It's up to us to take that. That's not… nobody's gonna make us do it. That's why you can pull an Ace and be like, ooh, and the whole day can kind of come and go, and it can feel like nothing really happened (Lindsay Laughs). Because some Ace energies are much more subtle than others, some have to do more with, like, really deeply layered stuff. And other ones are that we got offered something, and we didn't necessarily realize it, or we took it in the best way we could.

Ace of Cups is the beginning of a homecoming back to ourselves. It's the beginning of us loving ourselves as a verb. Love is a verb. It's the beginning of us saying, “I am a person that deserves, inherently, as my birthright, love, and care and affection and celebration and attention and tenderness and compassion.” And that is so hard to believe, partially because of Devil stuff, partially because if we believe we're not worthy, it slows us down quite a bit, you know. And yet, by your birthright you’re worthy. It's not about believing it or feeling it.

Usually, my teacher Michelle has told me this for years is really true, and I've mentioned this very often myself, that the external stuff, the feelings, often are the last things to happen. It's that we make this intention, that we set the intention. It's the willingness, the moment we kind of decide, and then things ripple out from there.

But Ace of Cups is that moment where we choose that cup, where we choose to drink of that cup, that is pure love. Pure honoring, pure embracing, not just, again, as an idea, not as a defense, not as an excuse to not change or evolve, but as a powerful elixir of truth that allows us to stay tethered to love while we evolve; that can allow us to love ourselves, even if we're called in in a challenging conversation, where we don't drift into or spiral into how we're horrible at our core. We're not. We're learning. We're people. That's that.

[1:03:36]

So it's very, very powerful to know that at the bottom of what we're doing here, we're complete with anything that separates us from the love of our own being. And this may be so far beyond what we might have our eyes trained on that we might not even be thinking about, and yet it's gonna start to be more and more a very important theme.

How can we love ourselves deeply? Do we even know what it is? Many of us don't. We have no fucking idea. Let yourself not know. It's fine to not know. I have not known for much of my life (Lindsay Laughs). Like what feels loving to me I've had to learn over time. It's fine. Like look at the story that tells you that’s so horrible to not know that. Who says? Who says, you know? But we're being offered a cup, offered a cup of pure reflection, pure love. And, again, love is a verb.

One of the ways that I deeply love myself — and this is, again, I want to really acknowledge the privilege in this. I'm so privileged to be able to afford food, too, you know, of course — because of all my myriad of body stuff and you know everything, cooking for myself is very, very triggering. Again, nobody needs to take that on. I recognize the privilege that I have food to do it. It's a privilege, perhaps, even to be triggered. You know, I'm speaking for myself, but my… that took years to be able to do for multiple reasons that I'm not going to get into, but it's one of the ways that I love myself most. And for some people it might be like permissioning themselves to order takeout is the way they love themselves. It has no bearing on your experience.

It's really just to look at how can we be courageous, compassionate? How can we meet ourselves where we are and omit nothing, really have us be the imperfect constantly learning people that we are and leave room for love? It's a big part. We are absolutely complete with anything that separates us from that.

So thank you for listening, Wild Souls. What a whew, there’s a lot in that, and yet the message is really simplistic and clear. I hope that this serves you. I hope that it supports you through the flow of the month. I'm loving on you. I'm so excited to be connecting with you as Spirit wants me to on this podcast. And until we meet again, please take care of yourselves.

[Conclusion]

(Instrumental exit music)

[1:06:44]

Thank you so much for listening to Tarot for the Wild Soul.

This podcast was edited by Chase Voorhees. The podcast art is by Chelsea Iris Granger, and it is hosted by me, Lindsay Mack. For more about the podcast visit wildsoulpodcast.com, or follow us on Instagram @wildsoulhealing. For more about me and my work, please visit lindsaymack.com.

To support Tarot for the Wild Soul, please consider subscribing to the podcast on iTunes and leaving us a five star review. It helps people find us and it is greatly greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for being here.

 
 
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137. Reversals, Part One: The Medicine of Resistance

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135. The Threshold: Equinox Medicine